you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
