You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
As shirtless as possible
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
