You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
