i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
