Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
