Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
