He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
