Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
