Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
