spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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