i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
