I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
