I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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