how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
