Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He did a backflip because drugs
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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