dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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