yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize