this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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