I accidentally had phone sex last night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
