Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
