from now on my penis is your penis
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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