just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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