Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
