Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you didnt know i had herpes?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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