I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
