I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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