Don't make out with my wife yet
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize