Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
