the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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