omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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