Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
