I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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