tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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