i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Your penis caused this!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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