he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's shark week go big or go home
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize