we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
