O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
