You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
