sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I supernannyed him into submission
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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