Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
