Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I intend to get homeless drunk
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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