Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
