dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
