Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize