best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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