1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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