Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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