The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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