I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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