My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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