I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
