everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You made out with two different species that night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
