my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
