he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
