Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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