Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
