I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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