I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
