You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sorry about my life...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
