The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
