then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
