Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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