the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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