This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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